Flaming Noodle Bunny
by twistoffate
Summary: What happens when Mulder's antics get the agents locked in their office...hint: flaming noodle bunny's and peeing in coffee cups...read if you want some cheerin' up


Disclaimer: Hell No!! I dont own em! Go ahead sue me, you'll get about as much as your left sock is worth.  
  
Title: Flaming Noodle Bunny  
  
Other fanfics: Expression, Moments worth Everything, Silent Ones  
  
Warning: I usually dont do the humorous fanfics, so excuse me if this is a little raw. Just heat it up by reviewin it!  
  
  
  
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"Flaming Noodle Bunny."  
  
  
"Oooo, thats a good one Mulder, where'd you think of that?"   
  
  
"You know what, I dont know." Mulder grinned. He really didnt know where it came from. "Just popped into my head I guess. Any way, your turn."  
  
  
"Okay, here goes." Scully looked toward the ceiling of their office as if this was a task requiring much thought.  
  
  
"Asexual tree fart, um, Bonified monkey poop, Chunky cheese cake, Dusty fungus crust, Elastic feces moon, Flaming noodle bunny, " She chuckled to her self and shook her head.  
  
  
"What? Think of something good?" Mulder asked, knowing that wasnt really what she was thinking.  
  
  
"No, I just cant believe we are sitting here doing this."   
  
  
"Yea, well they left us no choice Scully. I think they want us to crack, but something tells me I'll be fine as long as your here to keep me company. Although you shouldnt be too surprised when I start getting fresh with you." He wiggled his eye brows playfully and smiled.  
  
  
She stared at him whole heartedly. "You know, it isn't 'their' fault we are stuck down here Mulder, you were the one who caused this mess."  
  
  
"So I guess your saying I dont have a chance." He quirked, still smiling.  
  
  
"Well Mulder, I'd say you have as much chance with me as your flaming noodle bunny does with my chunky cheese cake."  
  
  
"Are you trying to turn me on?"   
  
  
"No, I think I'll leave that up to those tapes that arent yours."  
  
  
"Oh yea! Thanks for me reminding Scully." He said as he opened up his desk drawer and pulled out a magazine. "You want one too?"  
  
  
"I think I'll pass." She replied.  
  
  
After about five minutes of hearing Mulder "mmhmm" and "oh yeah" Scully said quite loudly, "What is it with men and porn?"  
  
  
"Do you really want me to answer that?" He whispered mockingly, looking boyishly up from the magazine.  
  
  
"Yes, Mulder, I do. I mean, we're hear now stuck in this office for god knows how long. We've got no phone, no way to contact anyone, and you are sitting here looking at pictures of naked women. And it baffles me that you are not the least bit embarrassed."  
  
  
"Embarrassed of what?"  
  
  
"Ugh, never mind."  
  
  
After a brief moment of silence, Mulder shrugged his shoulders and indulged himself into the magazine once more. Scully was somewhat raged. Why was Mulder getting to have all the fun? He was sitting there, probably with a hard on, getting to look at naked pictures of women. While she had to sit there in sheer boredom and well, watch him. She had made up her mind that she as not going to allow him to have all the fun.  
  
  
"Mulder, actually, I would like one of your magazines if you dont mind." She said quite abruptly.  
  
  
His eyes immediately shot up and his brows raised so high, that the wrinkles in his forehead were overlapping. His eyes darted around the room, until they finally landed on hers. After clearing his throat he simply replied, "Sure. Here's last months Playboy."  
  
  
He opened up the drawer, pulled out the magazine, and handed it over his desk to Scully.  
  
  
"Thanks." She said bluntly.  
  
  
"Oh, any time Scully, any time." He smiled sarcastically, trying to hide the overwhelming curiousity that now dominated his senses.  
  
  
She looked at the woman on the cover and read the side descriptions. Sighing loudly, she opened up Mulder's Playboy magazine, wondering if she would find the reason why this brought him so much entertainment.  
  
  
She saw the first picture. The woman was down right beautiful. Although she was practically naked, there was something about her, that made Scully feel something. She flipped to the next page. There was a different woman now, still stunningly gorgeous. She had a look on her face that was piercing. Scully felt a small throbbing between her thighs and shifted positions in her chair. As she did that, she noticed Mulder staring at her wide eyed.  
  
  
"Yes?" She teased.  
  
  
Mulder shook his head and nonchalantly glanced back at the image in front of him.  
  
  
She smiled to herself pleasingly. She knew he was so curious as to what was going on in her mind. She simply could not resist. Torturing him would give her the utmost satisfaction. Plus, it was his fault they were locked in the office. He had to show her his "neat trick" and jam the door, and he had to throw the phone across the room when the door wouldnt open. So there was her rationalism and justification. She was now officially allowed to torture her partner.  
  
  
She began with the occassional "mmhmm"'s and "oh yeah"'s, just like she had heard Mulder do earlier.   
  
  
This immediately sparked a response from him, as he then shifted in his chair. He crossed his legs and cleared his throat softly, hoping she wouldnt notice his intense interest in her and the magazine she was reading.  
  
  
Scully again shifted in her chair noticeably and let a small moan submerge from the back of her throat.  
  
  
This sent Mulder over the edge. He had closed his magazine and was now staring very obviously at her. His eyes portrayed complete seriousness and arousal, as a small grin escaped his lips. He was practically drooling.  
  
  
Scully knew she had gotten to him at that point and loved it entirely. She looked up from her magazine and smiled. "You know Mulder, I can see why you guys enjoy this so much."  
  
  
He swallowed largely, "You can?"  
  
  
"Oh yeah. I mean all these women are so gorgeous."  
  
  
"Y...You think they are gorgeous?" His mouth was gaping open and his eyes were watering from not blinking enough.  
  
  
"Definately, I mean look at Victoria." she said as she pointed out one of the girls on the page. "Her eyes are just taunting and her body is so curvey. It makes you want to eat her all up."  
  
  
"It, It, It does?"  
  
  
"Well, yeah. Dont you?" She stood up and gestured across the desk to give him the magazine.   
  
  
He stood up as well and was surprised to see Scully's gaze at his krotch. Realizing she had much reason to snicker, (which she was doing at that point) Mulder sat back down very quickly, embarrassed at his own arousal.   
  
  
"Looks like Mr. Flaming Noodle Bunny likes her too." Scully mocked.  
  
  
"Yea, Yea. I think thats enough porn for you today Scully." He said as seriously as he could, but regretting every word that came out of his mouth. No guy in the right mind would ever say that to a woman. But he knew she was just trying to torture him. And she was being quite successful at it too. So he decided to save himself further embarrassment and change their topic of discussion.  
  
  
"Mulder?"  
  
  
"Yea?"  
  
  
"Uh, I think we've got a small problem."  
  
  
"Huh?"  
  
  
"Well unless you are keeping a toilet in that drawer, we dont have a bathroom."  
  
  
"Oh yeah, uh, well, you could piss in the trashcan." He said, smiling at his own joke.  
  
  
"I'm serious Mulder. I have to pee!"  
  
  
"Well, I may have been serious when I said to piss in the trashcan."  
  
  
"Like hell I'm doing that! You had better get us out fo here soon. Or I swear I'll shove that damn trashcan up your ass."  
  
  
"Woah, gettin a little feisty I see, Agent Scully."  
  
  
"Feisty doesnt even begin to describe it." She smirked.  
  
  
"Alright, Alright, calm down. Uh, well maybe we can find like something for you to pee in. Because I dont think I can get us out of here, I definately would have done *that* by now." He grumbled jokingly.  
  
  
She sighed audibly and plopped back down on the chair. "Well you go find something for me to pee in, and I'll sit here and watch."  
  
  
"Oh Boy!" He replied sarcastically.  
  
  
Mulder then got to work on the task at hand, and sifted through all of the junk he had accumulated. The first candidate he came across was a diet coke bottle. He figured that would now be his new urinal and kept searching for a potty friend for Scully. After only about five minutes, Mulder handed Scully an old styraphome coffee cup.  
  
  
"Oh, it even has a lid!" She quirked under her breath as she took the cup from him.  
  
  
"Hey, it's high quality. Sealed with the Mulder approval and everything."  
  
  
"Yea, Yea. I see you found yourself a piss pot of your very own." She grinned.  
  
  
"Ahuh. Also of the highest quality."  
  
  
"Okay, well I seriously have to pee Mulder, and I'm not waiting for anything. So why dont you relieve yourself over in that corner while I occupy this one."  
  
  
"Sure. Fine. Whatever." His smile was practically taking up his entire face.  
  
  
Thankfully, Mulder had kept the office so messy that both were very well covered if one had turned around. Scully was incredibally grateful for his piggish lifestyle that she had not fully appreciated in the past.   
  
  
Mulder had sensed Scully's embarrassment to start her business and helped out a little by saying very loudly, "Ready, set, GO!"  
  
  
He peed on command as Scully giggled to herself at the funny noise his bodily fluids were making as they hit the bottom of the bottle. Her laugter caused Mulder to crack up as well. In the midst of their laughter, the door to their office swung open with Skinner following closely behind it. "Agen...uh..."  
  
  
Skinner's jaw dropped completely to the ground as he put together what he was actually seeing. Agent Mulder in one corner of the room pissing in a diet coke bottle and Agent Scully in the opposite corner, squatting behind some boxes. Both laughing.   
  
  
"Uh...Uh...What the hell is going on here?" He finally yelled.  
  
  
Scully stood up and stayed behind the boxes, only to peer out at her superior with wide eyes. Mulder on the other hand, zipped up and turned towards his boss. "Uh, sir, I can explain."  
  
  
Skinner looked at his Agent, and down at the now half full bottle of diet coke. Mulder lifted up the bottle in front of him and smiled.  
  
  
"Cheers!"  
  
  
  
THE END...YEA I KNOW IT WAS DUMB, BUT IT BROUGHT SOME SUNSHINE TO MY OTHERWISE GLOOMY DAY...HOPEFULLY YOU HAD THE SAME EXPERIENCE...AND YES, I KNOW THIS REALLY WOULDNT HAPPEN, BUT IT WOULD BE QUITE FUNNY IF IT DID...PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK! MY FLAMING NOODLE BUNNY WANTS IT.  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
